There Will Be Beauty From Pain
by Infrangible
Summary: After Jeff tells Nick his feelings, things begin to go downhill. Will Nick realize what he has done before it's too late? Trigger: Self Harm.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Glee! :) This story is just my first. If you have any suggestions for how I can make this better please leave them. I know how to take criticism and love help.**

**Summary: Jeff Is confused and hurt, which leads to the unbelievable.**

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**Jeff**

_I feel as though I am falling. As though the earth is opening up and swallowing me whole. I keep going down into the darkness. Hands are grabbing and pulling at me. Leaving marks of red._

But then, I opened my eyes. The sun blaring down on me through the window.

The dreams were plaguing me night after night. Making me feel worthless. Maybe the gods were punishing me because I'm gay. I believe so, but who am I to say.

I look over to the other bed and see that Nick is already gone. Hes been avoiding me ever since that one night last week. I cant even remember the date, as though remembering would make it hurt more.

FLASHBACK

"No Nick, you have to listen!", I scream at him, thinking he will finally sit down and listen to me for once.

He sat down on his bed and looked at me with worried eyes, afraid I was going to tell him something that would change our lives forever.

I didn't know how to phrase what i was going to say. Iv never had this problem before. Iv always been so out there, not afraid to tell the world. But now, standing in front of Nick, looking in his eyes, I am now afraid. I have to get it out of my mouth, so i just say it as bluntly as possible.

"I love you."

And it hurts to see the look in his eyes, the confusion and if I looked hard enough, the pain.

He got up suddenly and left. No goodbye.

END OF FLASHBACK

I haven't talked to him since. I try to approach him but he just leaves the room as fast as possible.

Never looking at me. Leaving me alone. As though he cant see how much it hurts me.

I get out of my bed and slowly walk to the bathroom. A clear intent of harm in my mind.

I shut the door and lock it. I don't even know why.

I grab the silver metal with my hand and sink against the wall.

Turning it over in my hands I question how this all began.

It was my way out of all the pain. I understand every time I do it that it wont help in the long run, but I know that I cant stop.

I pull up my sleeve and look at my arm. Many cuts adorning it.

I pressed the metal against my arm and slowly drew a cut.

I watched the blood bubble against my skin, slowly running down my arm.

Just as I was going to do another cut, my phone went off signaling I got a text.

I checked it and repressed a laugh.

**Trent. January 23, 2012. (9:03)**

**-Jeff! Get your blond head down to the meeting room this once! Or ill come up and grab your pretty blonde hair and mess it up!**

I did another cut fast then began to clean up.

Wrapping bandages on my arm over and over again, making sure no blood wouldn't escape.

Getting my uniform on and fixing the tie, which always takes the longest for me.

I fixed my hair in my regular Jeff way and left my shared room, not looking forward to the meeting.

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As I walked in I was greeted by sound of many voices.

I walked to the back and took a seat by myself, knowing that everyone was use to me not sitting by Nick anymore.

I didn't even pay attention to anything that was being discussed. I was too busy looking at the back of Nicks head. Wishing he would acknowledge me.

But I knew that that was to much to ask for.

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The meeting ended and I slowly made my way back to my room. Not even bothering to go to my classes.

I had all my classes with Nick. On purpose of course, so we would never be separated.

Now I know thats all that he wants now.

The moment I step in the door I begin to rip at my clothes. I cant stand to be constricted and they remind too much of Nick, although everyone has to wear them.

I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. The dark circles. The red eyes.

I peel the bandages off and grab the piece of metal.

Pressing it against my wrist, right above my vein, I know that I could end it all.

But I knew that was too much.

I slowly began to drag it up my arm, as though I was drawing.

I knew I was getting out of hand when I began to draw shapes and laugh hysterically.

I slammed my head back against the wall and dropped the razor.

Sliding back against the wall I began I cry.

I don't know how long I sat there. Crying and bleeding.

Remembering the good times in my life.

All the fun times with Nick. When we were friends. Enjoying life.

I knew that I had to get up before Nick came back from his classes.

I cleaned my arm and wrapped it again.

Changing my clothes and crawling into bed I closed my eyes, knowing that the nightmares would come back.

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_There was fire. Scorching me. Making me scream. Grabbing me._

I woke up covered in sweat.

Looking over I saw Nick asleep.

I laid back down and hugged my pillow.

Wondering what tomorrow would bring.

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**R&R! I always read them.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Glee! :) I loved the reviews. Thank you. No fight yet! But I promise Its coming up! Enjoy.**

**Summary: Jeff tries to reason with Nick. Nick wont listen, which leads Jeff down his same path.**

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**Jeff**

I don't know how long I laid there. Staring at the ceiling. Hearing Nicks soft breathing as he slept. Knowing that he was just a few feet away from me. Wishing that we could go back to the days where at night I would slip into his bed and cuddle with him without a care in the world.

But no. That will never happen. Because I screwed up.

I close my eyes and hope that sleep over comes me soon.

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I slowly open my eyes when I hear commotion in my room. The sound of a drawer being opened and a zipper being undone. I knew what was happening. He was finally leaving me. Abandoning me.

As I heard the zipper being closed I sat up fast and looked over. Nick. Looking at me with the 'deer caught in the headlights' look. Running his hand through his hair and giving me a look of almost regret. We looked at each other for so long I lost count of the seconds.

"Nick..", I began, knowing that I couldn't finish the sentence.

He just looked at me. Slinging the bag over his shoulder and turning away from me.

I had to do this now. I had to get my voice to work and show him how much this was going to hurt me.

"NICK!", I yelled, showing him how much hurt I was in with just that simple word.

I knew I had to continue, so I worked up all the energy and set out on a journey of words that would get my point across. I hope.

"Why..are you doing this to me? I know that the confession hurt you..but Nick..were friends..we can still be friends..I know we can..so please, just over look what I said and please come back to me..please.."

I gasped after I said all of that, because he turned on his heel and walked out the door. Not looking back. Not once.

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I sat there forever it seemed. Not moving and looking at his bed, well, not his bed anymore. And as I was looking over, I saw what I dreaded. In the trash can. A picture. A picture of us. Hugging. Friends. Companions. Torn in half.

I slowly got up and went the the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I saw myself. Was I ugly? Unattractive? Too fat? Fat. That was it.

I lifted my shirt and looked down. Running my fingers over my stomach and feeling the skin. Maybe he was disgusted by my body? I made a promise to myself then. I would not eat. Only drink. To make myself beautiful. For him.

I opened the cabinet and took out my razor from its place. I pressed it against my stomach and began to write the words that I believed were true.

FAT

I slowly put my shirt down and began to work on my arms.

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I cleaned up my arms and stomach. More blood that usual. Bandages. The whole shebang.

Putting on my uniform I questioned if I should go to breakfast. Id see Nick. Laughing. Making jokes. But not with me. With the other Warblers.

I gave up and decided that I should. To make sure nobody suspects anything. Grabbing my phone I walked out the room trying to be brave but knowing I couldn't face the world.

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Walking in the breakfast room was more easier than I thought. All the food smelled delicious but I remembered my promise and only got a water.

I sat by Trent and ignored the worried glances he was giving me.

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As much as they say, Dalton has no anti bullying policy. They could care less. Just happy about the money they are getting.

I should know. I get tormented everyday. And today was no different.

Sitting by Trent, I saw them coming over. I thought that maybe they were just here to say something to Sebastian. But no such luck.

I heard them taunting me. Hearing the words. _Fag. Freak. Whore._

And before I knew it, there was a tray over my head. Followed by a carton the orange juice in my face. The whole cafeteria soon began to fill with laughter.

I didn't care. Although I know I did. I looked over at Nick and saw him laughing along. That was all it took.

Getting up I ran from the cafeteria and into my room. Locking the door and running to the bathroom.

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Ripping off my clothes and starting the shower, I began to cry.

I grabbed the razor and slammed myself in the shower and let the scalding water and cutting wash away all my pain.

Falling asleep. Closing my eyes. Knowing that the nightmares were fallowing.

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They woke me up. The nightmares. I woke up cold and still under the showers water.

Looking down I saw blood. More than Iv seen. Looking over at my arms I saw the cuts. Adorning my whole arms now. No more room. Over cutting my only option now.

I'm surprised I'm even still alive. But I don't want the easy way out. Thats not how I want this all to end. I slowly force myself to get up and clean.

Cleaning my arms with peroxide I wrap them up again. Knowing that if anyone ever knew about this, they would forever hate me.

My stomach hurts and I can't tell if its because of the cuts or my hunger. But I ignore it.

I crawl into bed. Not caring that I'm cold or naked. I just want to sleep.

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**R&R. I'm thinking of making the next chapter in Nicks point of view. Not sure. What do you think?**

**:)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Glee. Sadly. **

**I don't think this chapter was rushed. Just because they seemed to have made up, does not mean that things will go great. **

**The fight wasn't huge. Just small. Enough to get a point across. :)**

**Reviewers****!**

**Rawr413- I'm sorry for almost making you cry. xD It will be better..Or will it? ;3 **

**shweirbones- The fight was disappointing. But this is just the beginning. Bigger fights will come! :(**

**TheWarblersAreTOTALLYAWESOME- Nice name. :) And I live off angst too! Keeps me going. :3**

**Well time to get to the story! Hope I didn't disappoint.**

**Summary: Nick tried to reason with Jeff by saying his feelings. Does it work?**

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**Nick**

It had been a month since Jeff walked out of the cafeteria. It was the last time I saw him. I haven't seen him in any of his classes or even in the cafeteria. But Trent told me not to worry. And when he said it, there was hate in his eyes.

Iv been ignoring Jeff since he confessed and even changed rooms.

All because I'm scared. Iv always loved him. Admired him. Thought he was the world.

But I had to run. Run away. Like the coward I am. And now I knew that I had to move back to the dorm. I just had to. I have to make him understand this whole time that Iv just been a coward.

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I had my bags packed began to walk down the hallway to my old room. Happy that I might be able to make Jeff smile.

When I reached the door I found that it was locked. I grabbed the extra key from my bag and unlocked the door. I walked though the door and dropped my bags.

I saw Jeff. Laying on his bed covered in bandages, sound asleep. I walked over to him and slowly ran my fingers over his bandaged arms. I jumped back when he opened his eyes and pulled his arms back.

I think he whispered my name. But I wasn't sure. I wanted to know what happened to him. And I know that I had to use force. I straddled his waist and held his arms down. Ready to find out when was beneath the bandages.

"NICK! NICK!," he screamed. Screamed at me to let him go. But no. He has no luck.

I ripped the bandages off of this arms and felt bile building up in my throat. I saw cuts. So many cuts. Some deeper than others. Some small and some large. I looked down at him. He was crying. Sobbing. And I cried along with him. But before I could even utter a word I was thrown off him. He began to scream at me. I listened. And I couldn't believe it.

"I hate you Nicky! You ruined me! Why did I ever love you? I hate you so much. So so much! Just go! You made me hate myself.."

I opened my mouth to reply when he interrupted me again.

"Don't speak! Your here to insult me and tell me how gross I am! And yes! I cut..because of you. Interested? Ill show you what you'v cause."

And with that he slipped his shirt off and I saw the word.

FAT.

Why? Why would he think that. Hes so thin. I know he hasn't been eating. The ribs. Each showing under this white skin.

I cant believe he would think he was fat. But he soon answered.

"You..I thought I wasn't good enough for you. I thought that maybe Id change the way I look. So I wouldn't be fat. So I wouldnt gross you out.." He began to softly cry and I knew it was my chance to speak.

"Jeff..no. Your beautiful. Your wonderful and your my world. I was a coward. I love you. I always have. I was so scared. I didn't want you to hate me. I had to have time to think. I should have just told you this in the beginning. Then..you wouldn't have started this." I looked at him and saw him looking at his hands. No reply.

I sighed and sat beside him. I hugged him. Help him close as he sobbed into my chest. Letting go everything. He began to punch me. I let him. He was angry with me and I knew that his was his way of getting it all out.

I pet his hair and begin to softly sing to him.

_Every time our eyes meet_  
_This feeling inside me_  
_Is almost more than I can take_  
_Baby when you touch me_  
_I can feel how much you love me_  
_And it just blows me away_  
_I've never been this close to anyone or anything_  
_I can hear your thoughts_  
_I can see your dreams_

I can feel him sobbing harder into my chest. I hold him tighter.

_I don't know how you do what you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you_

_The smell of your skin_  
_The taste of your kiss_  
_The way you whisper in the dark_  
_Your hair all around me_  
_Baby you surround me_  
_You touch every place in my heart_  
_Oh it feels like the first time every time_  
_I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes_

His crying starts to slowly cease and I lean back against the wall with him on my chest. I sing to him more softly.

_I don't know how you do what you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you_

_ Every little thing that you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do_  
_Oh, every little thing that you do_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you_

As I finish the song he grips my shirt and begins to talk again.

"Nick..I'm not forgiving you yet. You made me feel worthless I'm willing to give you a chance. I want to understand all that you'v been feeling. I don't want to rush this. We need to get past this. Understand that what you put me through I just cant easily forget."

I smiled at him. "I understand Jeff. I'm just so s-" He cut my off with his finger.

"Shhh..just shhh. I'm tired. And so are you. Get your bags..and then we can sleep."

I forgot that the door was open when I went to grab my bags. I'm suprissed that nobody heard. Or they did and just didn't care.

I dropped my bags and walked to the bathroom to get changed. Pulling on lose sweats and a tank I walked back out. As I began to crawl into my bed I heard Jeff telling me to sleep by him. And I do. I crawl in right beside him and hold him close. I know our problems are far from being over. But all I can do is hold him for tonight and see what tomorrow brings.

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**R&R! :)**

**Amazed by Lonestar. I listened to it when I wrote this. Cried. Q.Q Oh Nick..Stop it!**

**New chapter will be up tomorrow.**

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Glee. I wish though.**

**This chapter was sad. Hard to write really. But I had to get it out there! I deleted this chapter when I first wrote It. Too forgiving.**

**Nick needs to get his act together before I go over and slap him! :(**

**Enjoy!**

**Summary: Nick goes to a party. Things end badly.**

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**Jeff**

As I woke up I felt something heavy on my hip. I groaned as I realized that It was Nick's arm. I slowly slipped away from his grasp and went to get ready for the day. I didn't was to face him this morning, so I knew that I had to hurry out of the dorm room. I got ready faster than I ever have and felt pretty good about how I looked. I grabbed my bag and quickly slipped out of the room.

This is going to be a long day.

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As I walked into the cafeteria I smelled the great sent of food. I then thought back to last night when Nick said I was just fine and that I should eat. I dont believe him. I'm not going to eat. I haven't forgiven him and I dont know if his confession last night was so he could finally end all the drama between us. I just dont quite trust him. I grab an apple and go to sit with the Warblers.

As I reach the table I can already hear Sebastian talking about a guy he banged last night. I rolled my eyes and sat by Trent. I sat quietly but I overheard them talking about a party that was going on tonight. I wasn't interested in the least considering the fact that I dont drink or do drugs.

The bell rang for class and I was thrilled because I was getting sick of hearing about drinking. Somewhere along the road Nick joined and talked about how he wanted to get hammered. Really? Its whatever. He can do whatever he wants. After all, liars get what they deserve.

History was boring. So was math. So was..well, all my classes. I tried to pay attention but in the end all I did was sleep. Soundly I might add. In every class the party was being talked about. I almost slammed my head into the table every 5 minutes. Cant today end already?

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I got back to the dorm to see Nick getting ready for the party. On the phone with Sebastian to make sure that the beer arrived on time. Ridiculous.

I sat on my bed and watched him get ready. I want him to stay here with me. What was he doing? Oh, thats right, getting ready to get drunk off his _ass_. He never pays attention to me the whole time hes getting ready. After getting off the phone he tried to convince me to go but I declined and crawled in my bed, ignoring the rest of his pleas. He just gets up and slams the door after he leaves.

I sit up and look at the door, wondering what his problem is. I pushed my tears back and walked to the bathroom. I never promised him I wouldn't cut. Just as he never promised me that he wouldn't go get drunk. I grabbed my razor and sat against the wall. I pulled my sleeve up and began to make light cuts. They began to get deeper when I became numb. All I could think of was Nick. Getting drunk. Smoking. Acting like a kid. It didn't matter. Not anymore. I got up and cleaned my arm, wrapping it up.

Shutting off the light I went and crawled into bed and hoped that tomorrow would come already.

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I woke up to the sound of the door closing. I saw the outline of Nick in the dark. I wanted to ask if the party was fun, that was until he began to get near. He smelled like beer and it was overpowering. Before I could even get a word out of my mouth, he was on me. He was clawing at my clothes and biting my neck hard. I tried to scream and push him off me, but it seemed to make him more mad. He grabbed my neck and began to bite at my lips. When I felt his other hand going to the top of my pants, I knew his intention. He was going to rape me.

No.

I pushed him as hard as I could which ended him up on the floor. I bolted from the room. No clear intention to where I was running to. Anywhere away from him. I heard the words he was yelling at me. _Whore. Slut._ They made me run faster.

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I ended up at Trent's door and knocked as hard as I could. As soon as he opened the door I grabbed onto him and tight and let the tears fall. He pulled me away from the door and locked it. I felt as he laid me down on the bed and let me cry. Rubbing my back. Telling me it was going to be okay.

It wasn't going to be okay.

Not at all.

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**R&R.**

**Oh Nicky. Stop It. **

**The chapters are getting sad now.**

**Dang.**

**:(**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own Glee.**

**This chapter Is short and kind of rushed. Iv been busy, but I thought Id put up a chapter, no matter how short. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

**Summary: Jeff sings his feelings out.**

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**Jeff**

I wake up in Trent's room and when I sit up I see an extra uniform laying on the bed. I slowly get up and begin to get dressed, trying not to remember the other night.

After tying my tie I stare at the door. I'm afraid to walk out the door. Id have to see Nick. I couldn't stand to see him and that I know. But, I had to face him eventually. I'm not a coward. I need to stand up for myself. As I walk out the door, I know that all that I said Is a lie.

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I walk into the meeting room and see everyone, including Nick. I quickly rush over by Trent and hold his hand tightly. I know that Nick is looking at me, I can feel his stare. Trent nudges me out of the daydreams and asks me if I want to sing a song. I look up and him and smile. He knows me. He knows that I get my sadness out through singing. After asking permission I stand in front of everyone.

I take A deep breathe, stare at Nick and begin to sing.

_It's a shame that it had to be this way_  
_It's not enough to say I'm sorry_  
_It's not enough to say I'm sorry_

_Maybe I'm to blame_  
_Or maybe we're the same_  
_But either way I can't breathe_  
_Either way I can't breathe_

_All I had to say is goodbye_  
_We're better off this way_  
_We're better off this way_

_I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive_  
_Cause everything we've been through_  
_And everything about you_  
_Seemed to be a lie_  
_A guiltless twisted lie_  
_It made me learn to hate you_  
_Or hate myself for letting it pass by_

_All I had to say is goodbye_  
_We're better off this way_  
_We're better off this way_  
_All I had to say is goodbye_  
_We're better off this way_  
_We're better off this way_

_And every, everything isn't only_  
_What it seemed so hold these_  
_Words that you never told me_  
_It's time to say goodbye_  
_It's time to say goodbye_  
_It's time to say goodbye_  
_Goodbye_

_Bye_

_Take my pain away_

_Tear it out_  
_Tell me I was wrong_  
_Tell me I was wrong_

_Take my pain away_  
_Tear it out_  
_Tell me I was wrong_  
_Tell me I was wrong_

_Take my pain away_  
_tear it out_  
_Tell me I was wrong_  
_Tell me I was wrong_

As I end the song, I look in this eyes and all I see is pain. I cant even stand to look at him, knowing what he must be feeling. I run out of the room as fast as I can and run wherever my legs decide to take me.

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**That's all I came up with. I know Its short. Ill sit down soon and write A longer one, In Nick's prov. :)**

**Secondhand Serenade - Goodbye.**


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